“Why am I here on this planet? “Who am I?” What are my gifts? What is my purpose?” ”
Do you find yourself asking these questions? Have you asked them in the past? Recently?
If you’re awake then most likely.
If you are reading this article, then certainly.
These are questions that only people who know that something bigger than themselves is out there.
When I was a pre-teen, these questions like above first surfaced within my mind. After many years of growing up in the Western culture, these questions seeped into my being and became my journey of expressing these answers as necessary part of answering them. Expressing through actions and behaviors became the avenue for understanding my purpose and identity. I recognized that my humanness was the key to acquiring the answers I was looking for. I was a seeker.
Now, as an older human on this planet, I’ve chosen to bring these questions back into focus with intention and passion, once again.
I’ve been allowing these questions to percolate, while focusing on the vision of unity and nurturing myself in preparation for a creation. As I age, these thoughts of who I am and what my purpose is, is crystallizing as I settle into the perfect environment that supports bringing the emergence of this cerebral and esoteric idea I have into this 3D physical plane of existence.
Reflecting upon my life experience and being a witness to myself and the lessons I’ve chosen, I see the path unfolding all in perfect timing.
I moved around a lot as a child; went to eight different Elementary schools.
I lacked self esteem to maintain friendships.
I suffered from depression; started Welbutrin when I was 12 years old.
I huffed aerosols, smoked cigarettes, snorted random pharmaceuticals and began smoking weed at the age of 12.
I picked up drinking in Middle School.
I was raped.
I lacked self esteem to maintain friendships and extra curricular activities.
I rebelled against my family in protest to the isolation, loneliness and abandonment I felt.
I was sexually promiscuous.
I did acid, mushrooms, ecstasy, and ketamine regularly throughout high school and into adulthood.
I began exploring various healing practices when I was 16 years old.
I was stuck in unhealthy relating patterns with everyone in my life.
Spirituality took the passenger seat of my life.
I began stripping nude in 2006.
I drank heavily.
I often took GHB, muscle relaxers, anxiety medications and drank alcohol with all of them.
I received a University Bachelor’s degree.
I embraced my Spiritual path full time with a ferocity after graduation.
I stopped drinking and taking pills.
I learned how to follow my intuition and lead with my heart.
The Core Of It All
The core wound, the wound of separation has guided my life’s work to reconnect to myself.
All the searching and reaching outside of myself, I was simply looking for myself.
I realized that the pain I felt was from being separated from my parents, my friends, and even from myself as I suffered from mental struggles.
My journey has been one that reunites myself with myself.
As I began to recognize what I had been doing all those years of searching and seeking, I also began to realize who I was looking for.
It was a profound moment when I received clarity through dance that I was looking for myself and I had finally found me.
It was the silliest, yet most amazing and liberating feeling to recognize that the connection I had with myself had been severed and now I was connected again.
I was whole again.
The search was over. I no longer was the eternal seeker of self.
I could rest.
I was no longer lost, wondering when I was going to be found.
I found myself through movement and through honoring my connection with nature, realizing that I am part of it, not separate.
This single recognition healed all wounds of separation that was harbored within my body and mind throughout my whole life.
The wisdom of enlightened teachers had resonated with me for many years, and finally their knowledge became me.
The moment I embodied the teachings was the moment of recognition, reclamation and true empowerment.
The work I had done was showing up in my life.
When I talk to people about this moment, they say it was my Saturn’s return, my 30th birthday.
I was born again.
Today is my 31st birthday and I’m in a place of reflection and gathering the past lessons and honoring my growth and dedication to myself since I have fully arrived into my being.
It is that time again, to be reborn. To open my eyes to a new world filled with opportunity.
I’m curious to see where it all leads. The unknown path that lies before me.
What I’m doing now, I consider sacred work.
I wonder what it is that I can do in my life that supports my desire to simply “be” and allow that to support me financially within this modern construct of a world that we live in.
Incessant questioning leads to many answers, that vary depending on the day.
Each probing question leads to further clarification and understanding of what it is that I’m seeking to share with the world.
I’m in a special place where this process is possible and I’m taking note how grateful I am to have created space for myself that allows me to incubate such a grand vision for the betterment of my life, others’ and the world.
Honor Thy Self
So what have I come up with?
Each time it’s a flow of consciousness, ever evolving and ever changing. I learned this trait from my mother, no doubt.
There is something within me that wants to emerge. There are thousands upon thousands of methods to utilize for uniting the body, mind, spirit, & soul, yet there is one patiently waiting inside of me.
There comes a time when grace needs to be put aside and fumbling serves a purpose.
Gentleness, grace, ease, and patience are traits I’ve embodied quite well, however, I feel now is the time to take charge once again.
Stumble my way through making choices that will serve me either way. It’s time to consciously decide to take action that will guide me in the direction I desire.
I want to share the dance, share the movement and wisdom that heals the wounds of separation through consciously connecting to the core that provides a pathway to strengthening the physical, mental, spiritual and soul bodies.
As much as I want to deny my connection to dance and movement because of it’s inherent difficulties fighting an uphill battle with the fitness field, I can’t do it anymore.
I encourage empowerment through intimate conversations with self by way of movement; by way of dance.
I teach grace, elegance, flow, intimacy, creativity, flexibility and so much more.
I’m learning to speak to what it is that brings me joy, speak to what it is that I can offer in service to others.
This is my path and I honor it with acceptance, forgiveness, and LOVE.
Many Blessings to all those who read and benefit from these experiences, words and energy.
Your Freedom is Now.
April 20, 2017