Connecting the Dots of In-Authenticity

The way way you do one thing can teach you how you do everything.

I’ve been going through this process of distinguishing the Self from the body and the mind.  In this process, I’ve come to discover a lot about my Self and the way I’ve created my personality.

As we travel through space and time, I begin to pull the pieces together and recognize moments of in-authenticity.  I’m  finding myself able to catch them in real time, and redirect my thoughts and actions towards authenticity, seamlessly and effortlessly more and more.

I see in-authenticity as a glitch. My mind skips a beat and I lose focus. It’s as if  I have woken up from a dream abruptly, and forgot where I was.

I begin to notice my body respond to the in-authenticity. My blood boils and my body flushes. I would experience feelings of being un-grounded and attacked.

I never realized how persistent my self protection was until recently and it showed up as in-authenticity, a personality created in response to the pain and suffering I’ve endured over a lifetime.

Mulan_as_Warrior_connect_dots

Dance Life

Through 11 years of dancing, I built up a persona that could withstand the environment of the strip club. I was hardened, and misidentified with my true self. It felt wrong, foreign, unwelcome, unloved, unworthy, ashamed, and fearful.

Some people call this the ego.

Throughout this life, I unconsciously chose to gather armor to keep me from experiencing pain.  It’s become obvious that keeping the armor has hurt me more than the pain would have long ago.

The armor has created a shell around me. Not allowing me to feel pain, pleasure, joy,  or despair. I’ve sheltered myself from experiences that cause awakening shifts. I’ve lived a mediocre life. A mundane existence of rebellion and discomfort.

The false me has been parading around in this skin. Expressing her pain in ways that hurts others. She was hiding her true brilliance.

Her divinity.

Gratitude

During a transformational training that allowed me to integrate a lifetime of anger, sadness, pain, and fear, there was no where my inauthentic self could hide anymore. The false persona that was ingrained in my Self was exposed for her falseness and she was called out on it. She was told by people that loved her divine self to GO AWAY.

It’s never felt so painful to release myself from this mask I have worn for the better part of my life.

I was kicking and screaming because it almost felt too painful to let the mask of in-authenticity go.

As the days go by, the gap between authenticity and in-authenticity lessen and it’s barely in my consciousness.

Being in line with my highest self, my Divine self, I am supported, worthy, enough, connected, powerful, present, loved, accepted, welcomed, and free.

I am not afraid to take up space as I once was. I am magnificent and I know it. I’m grateful for all the experiences of this life that have guided me to this moment.


Do you recognize falseness within your own self? Do you sense when you are covering up something that you truly feel in an effort to continue protecting yourself?

There is freedom from in-authenticity, it begins with calling it out. Recognizing it within yourself and others. See if you can sense it. Notice how your body responds to it.

Many Blessings on your journey,

–Aimee ❤

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