Edging

This constant push and pull of tuning into my internal sensations as I navigate the unexplained. Traveling on the edge of the unknown is fearful and exhilarating. The benefit of pleasure outweighs the risk involved. Flowing to the edge, spilling over. The crash hurts more than the idea of crashing. The eternal walk of suffering. The endless climb back up. I continue forward, trusting I’ll learn. I close my eyes and do the test. Take a step and see if I fall. I challenge myself to reach farther, yet I know that is the same place I’ve fallen before. I stop. Open my eyes. Take a deep breath and walk along the edge. Slowly. I begin to realize I can walk on the edge rather than toward it. My confidence builds as I have not been a victim to the edge. I am rewarded. I am filled with pleasure. It feels weird to not be a part of the eb and flow game I’ve been so used to in the past. Learning a new way to exist is upon me, as I travel along the edge. Keeping it in sight. Trusting it will be there when I open my eyes.

I hold true to my knowing while others temp and persuade me to walk the eternal walk once more. Tempted I have been, only to be punished by the infinite, brutal, unforgiving fall. I have lived that life and say goodbye. I bid the temptations ado. I honor my wisdom and process of learning that has led me to this moment of realization. I see my edge. I walk my edge. I am my edge.

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