Healing men wounds…
Healing my inner masculine…
Do not look outside of yourself to heal the masculine. Look at your wounded little girl. Where does she hurt. She was separated from her father at a young age. She returned to him during a time of confusion. He was absent to her pain and had to endure it alone. She did not have the tools to process or space to express. She began her journey of healing outside of herself, finding masculine outside of herself. Going to them for the comfort and love she longed for in her father. She saw her father with women, who did not cause worry, but created more confusion in her role and his feelings for her. Was she disliked? Was she a burden? Was she even wanted?
Thoughts of depression, anxiety pushed her to try other tools to help her cope with the abandonment, the pain of not feeling connected to her father. She turned to drugs. Those helped her disengage from her current mental torment that regularly plagued her when she was around her father. They seemingly had a good relationship, but it was not nurturing in the way she desired. The pain was always there. The moment the step mother drove a wedge further in between them, she could not stand it any longer. The father grew angry and his fear and his own pain reached a level of boiling over that sent me into a place of no return.
I finally decided I needed to leave for my own self preservation. She was afraid for her life. Suicide and disappearing from life became all too accessible in the mental state she was in. Moving away was a choice of fear. It led to more choices made out of escape and fear. An inauthentic life that led to more confusion and pain. I followed the path of inflicting intentional pain to begin learning from it. I knew I had suffered emotionally plenty. I discovered a way to physically feel pain in order to gain knowledge and growth from it. This was the pathway that actually led me down a path of true wholeness and healing. The others were simply more destructive.
So I began a path of forgiveness of my father for all the things that emotionally hurt me. We reconciled both our pains in person 6 years ago. So my wounded girl, even though she forgave her father, still holds onto an imbalanced masculine energy within herself. She went from relationship to relationship, committing to monogamy and every time, unable to uphold that promise. The pain she causes herself that include innocent men explodes into a million fractured pieces of hurt.
She decides today that this is no longer an option. Finding a man to express her pain onto is unacceptable. There will be a balance before another man comes into her life. The question is, how do ones go about healing this deep wound that inflicts damaging patterns unconsciously into my life? I tackle this just like I would tackle anything else. Acknowledge, honor, see with new eyes. Awareness, interrupt the pattern with a clear and ready mind, and change the pattern using EFT, visualization.
YES. Visualization. I need to visualize how I see my relationships with my dream man inside of me and express that.