Healing Pains of the Past
Have you ever gotten so upset about something that you cried like you were a child? Kicking and screaming, wailing with your face turning red?
Here’s another question for you.
Have you experienced everything that you’ve needed to experience from the past?
Parents separating, old lovers, falling out of friendships can all inspire pain that can be too great to process if we aren’t old enough to manage such pain.
Sometimes being sad or angry isn’t accepted by our families, friends, or communities.
People will say things like, “Man up!” “Get over it!” “You don’t need to feel sad!” “It’s gonna be okay.”
For a normally, naturally alive human, saying things like “you’re feelings are worthless!” can make it seem like feeling isn’t socially acceptable especially when you grow up in a society that generally thinks the same thing.
At that point, feelings turns into a shameful event. When this happens people become hardened, protecting their feelings. Rather moving from their hearts, they choose to move from their minds.
Minds navigate the world in a linear, cold, disconnected, way, while moving from the heart is an abstract, warm, connected, and compassionate way of living that brings people together in harmony.
If you experience anger, sadness, despair, loneliness, hopelessness, fear, and the like, is there something that you’re not seeing that you need to see from your past?
I’m going to share a story about healing pains of the past.
Pains that I’ve felt resonate so deeply into the fabric of my life.
Pains that had woven themselves seamlessly into my personality and into my relationships.
Pains that would have continued to destroy everything that I actually wanted in life, if I didn’t recognize where they came from and why they were so important.
In my sharing, my hope is that you may find a crumb to follow on your own beautiful journey.
May these words inspire and invoke curiosity, compassion, and understanding of yourself.
Deep cries from the pits of my belly bellow out, sure to reach the neighbors all around.
My eyes are glued shut, still with endless wet tears pouring from them.
A lake surrounds me as I gasp for air between the thunderous sobs and foreign sounds that come forth from my throat.
I am in agonizing pain.
I feel utter despair, complete loss, and anguish encapsulating my body, mind, and soul.
I am surrounded by a hazy cloud of emotion.
I am present with this pain.
It is all that I can see.
It is all that I can feel.
At this point in my life, there is no option, but to feel the intensity of the crisis and allow the pain space to be heard and acknowledged in a way that I intend on it being satisfied.
Yes, I am in pain.
“I feel you, body. What are you trying to tell me?!”
As I sit in this space of immense feeling, without blame, without condemning it wrong, I finally have arrived into my authenticity.
I watched time and space converged into this moment of acceptance, surrender, and release.
There was an explosion of emotion coming from every cell in my body.
This was my time to let this pain out.
Let out the cry that I withheld from when I was a child.
I knew I was strong enough to handle that pain from the past now.
I am a courageous risk-taker.
If we look at this story, we can see the lesson.
We can see that there is a lesson in each cry for help.
The lesson is that we need to feel.
Intuitively, we want to feel.
It is in our nature to feel.
However, in American (that’s where I’m from, and have been raised) our culture has shaped us in a way that desensitizes our feelings and makes them unimportant.
So much of our culture has desensitized our senses and trained us not to feel.
The school systems don’t value emotional intelligence because it disrupts big business productivity.
The meat industry has desensitized us to violence by continually abusing and hurting living creatures to unnecessarily feed the world and fill their pockets.
The news, and movies show violence again and again with more gore and blood, each time, vying to get an emotional response from the public.
Pornography gets more intense, raw, and violent to invoke emotions because it all becomes dissatisfying and uninteresting quickly.
The deep held pain within people is what creates more intense pain on the outside.
Our world is but a reflection of our thought life.
Nothing can fill the space in side of us that desires to express how much we hurt.
I know how badly I hurt, and I can only imagine what you’ve gone through.
My heart feels heavy for you.
So as we continue…
It may be easy to say you’re crying because of something.
Maybe someone did you wrong, you felt hurt, you didn’t get what you wanted, you felt embarrassed, you judged yourself harshly… the list goes on.
However, please do not do yourself a disservice by doing so.
Leave the stories behind this time.
You are not sad because of the reason you think you are.
Tune in to the feeling you are experiencing and ask yourself to remember, “Where did this pain come from?”
All the pain that arises, is from unfinished painful experiences from the past.
Whether it was 1 minute ago, 1 year ago, or 27 lifetimes ago.
None of that matters.
The past is the past.
It could have been as simple as someone telling you that they want you to do something and you did it despite deep down not wanting to.
Our humanness begs us to feel.
And so over and over again, our sub-conscious minds create scenarios for us to feel whatever we didn’t feel from our past.
So, can we choose to feel those feelings NOW and move on and create a new way of living life, sans all the unintentional pain lashing out?
Could we just live intentionally, purposefully and in pleasure?
Then and only then, is when we shall not be tormented by the pains of the past.
Allow yourself to feel your feet upon the ground.
Notice your belly expanding with each breath.
Begin to attune yourself to feeling and feeling good.
It’s okay to feel pain. It’s okay to feel hurt.
And you get to grow.
You get to move forward and take steps to live the life you truly want to live.
Do you want to continue being a victim to the past?
Do you want to live in peace and harmony?
Then it’s time to get real with yourself.
Own your past. You’re the only one that can set yourself free.
Take responsibility and turn this energy into something useful rather than letting it drag you down.
Own your emotions and the experiences that have arrived from your creations.
You are the grand author of all your experiences, so you can arrive in the present moment.
Everything happens for you to awaken.
The pains from the past are begging to be set free.
You are the liberator of your pain and the commander of your pleasure.
Be gentle. Go as slow as you need, and keep going. There is freedom for you.
There is a way, and you are going to find it.
There are people waiting to nurture you. There are people waiting on you to ask for help.
There are people out there with answers, ideas, thoughts, and action steps for you to move beyond your guarded walls that don’t allow you to feel the pain you have hidden away so deeply.
Sometimes misery seems like the best option, I know. Remember that there is more to life than being emotionally down.
We feel the downs so we can experience the highs. Come back up. It’s safe to feel now.
Please reach out if you need or want help with this process. There are people who can help you through whatever pain is residing within you.
If you have the awareness around your patterns and find that you are stuck, here are a few practices and people that you can look up to check out that could help catapult you in the direction that you want to go.
Embodiment Dance: (Myself) Aimee Lora, Global Online Sessions
EFT: Sonya Sophia, Austin TX and Global Online Sessions
Grief/Trauma Release Retreat: Joshua Wenner
Luis Feliz: Emotional Intelligence
Gratitude Training, Ft. Lauderdale, FL
Acupuncture-:Dragonfly Wellness, Dr. Requel Lopes
Sound Healing: Crystal Bowls, Gongs, Sound Waves, etc…
Joanna Macy: “Work that Reconnects”
With all my love,